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Twits Dinner


Dinner at the Twits 



The Ghastly Garden


Arrival Drink


Sting & Tonic

Gin, nettle cordial and tonic. Garnished with nettles and thistles.


Tingling Tincture

Refreshing nettle-based tonic served with a threatening garnish.




Sky Rodent Goujons

Commonly known as the London Rat, pieces of Mr Twit’s freshly shot pigeon are seasoned and battered to create delectable bite-sized pieces of the notorious vermin. Served with a dipping bloater paste.


Burnt Bangers

Left in the oven by Mrs Twit for slightly too long, these glazed chipolatas are served straight from the oven coated in a smothering of smoky black poppy seeds.


Bloodied Hearts

Freshly removed chickens’ hearts, practically still beating, are slow-cooked in the luke-warm water left at the end of Mrs Twit’s monthly bath. Finished in a Bloody Mary glaze.


Festering Clutch

Always on the lookout for any food going spare, Mr Twit has a habit of eating rotten eggs that have slowly cooked in the heat of the compost heap. Now you can try his favourite snack…


No Squawking

Attracting birds to kill is easy with this delicious birdfeeder snack of Marmite-glazed roast nuts.


Mouldy Delight

Much like Mrs Twit’s varicose veins, this delicious cheese is brimming with blue veins of mould almost as potent as her own scent, served with fresh pieces of delightful pineapple.


Hug Tight Glue Soup

A glow-in-the-dark, gelatinous and sticky stock. Lip-smackingly awful.


Aural Scratchings

Crispy slices of pigs’ ears.


Writhing Spaghetti

Suspicious-looking mounds of spaghetti seasoned with spicy worm salt.


The Dining Room


Main Course


Mr Twit’s Bird Pie

Slowly braised turkey and pheasant pie garnished with the claws of a thousand fowl. 


Six-legged ‘Slaw

Rainbow slaw with a lurking insect surprise.


Muddied Spuds

Boiled new potatoes with edible dirt and the odd juvenile rat’s skull.




Mr Twit’s Fiery Rage Mustard

Almost as hot as his temper.


Parsley Liquor

A disturbingly slimey sauce that just won’t stop bubbling.




Terrible Trifle

Sponge fingers soaked in sassafras syrup, caffeinated lime cordial jelly topped with lemon posset, all garnished with Mrs Twit’s potpourri made of dried roses, berries, strawberry powder and flaked almonds. The effect will linger on… 



St. John ‘Pic St Loup’ Rouge Bag-in-box 2013

Made by Jean-Benoit high in the Languedoc, it is a cabernet syrah blend, boasting soft tannins, dark red fruit and the herbal notes of the limestone garrigue. Mr Twit cleans his boots with this and they came up a treat…


St. John ‘Pic St Loup’ Blanc Bag-in-box 2014

Sauvignon blanc with a steadying touch of roussanne, marsanne and viognier. Green fruit skin, fresh and clean, with lovely acidity to get your taste buds on the move. Finishing with the garrigue, thyme and lavender. This is what Mrs Twit uses to freshen her breath…


Foot ‘n’ Mouth Squeezings

Grapes crushed by the callused feet of our horrible hosts.

Mr and Mrs Twit's Upside Down Cocktail Cavern


Big Dead Tree & Sticky Glue Bellini 


Prosecco served with a small tube of peach or cherry Hug Tight Glue, garnished with a twig from the big dead tree. You can squeeze the sticky glue on to the big dead tree twig (liquorice root) to eat, or use the twig to stir it into the drink. 


Mrs. Twit’s Unusual Spritz 


Hendrick’s Gin, Aperol, nettle vermouth, prosecco and soda – her favourite afternoon eye-opener (she also uses it as a glass eye cleaner!) 


The Terrible Shrinks


This vodka soda is flavoured with berries and oranges brought from foreign climes by the Roly-Poly Bird, garnished with an aromatic helium balloon. Mr Twit’s efforts to send Mrs Twit skyward failed miserably: perhaps you’ll have better luck. 


The Upside-Down Monkey Circus 


Tropical, cruel but cool. From the slushy machine comes a libation comprising juggled bananas, monkey nuts, golden rum, sugar and lime.


Dark & Stormy Muggle-Wump 


Monkey around with Muggle-Wump’s favourite dark spiced rum (hazelnut, chestnut, almond, tonka bean and vanilla) topped with ginger beer and fresh lime. 


Mr. Twit’s Beard Old Fashioned 


All of Mr Twit’s favourite foods – clingy scraps of sardine, Stilton and cornflakes – pulled straight from his beard, stirred with Scotch. 


Roly-Poly Berry & Chocolate Martini 


Exotic Marula berry and raspberry are mixed with chocolate in this creamy treat – a favourite from the Roly-Poly Bird’s African jungle home! 


Mr. Twit’s Dirty Negroni 


Campari, Sweet Vermouth and wormy Mezcal, lovingly stirred with Mr. Twit’s filthy fingers. 


Mrs. Twit’s Special Milk  


Vodka, coffee liqueur, white chocolate and a dubious source of ‘milk’ mark this cocktail out as something special. 


Mr Twit’s Monkey Cage Oil & Nettle Wine  


Take pleasure in lubricating your mouth with Mr Twit’s cage oil. A dark mixture of black raspberry and blackcurrant liqueur served with nettle wine. Don’t worry, the sting will stop... eventually! 


Sharing Cocktails


Glass Eye Punch 

£20 FOR 2, £40 FOR 4, £60 FOR 6 SHARING 

Hendrick’s Gin, Apple and Pear juice, lemon juice, nettle tea and blackcurrant liqueur, garnished with cucumber, nettles and Mrs Twit’s glass eye of course.



All at £5


Monkey Ball

Banana, chocolate, nuts and grenadine


Giant Skillywiggler

Green apple and absinthe


Roly-Poly Bird

Orange & berries


Monkey Cage Oil

Blackcurrant and black raspberry with charcoal


Mrs. Twit’s Special Milk Shot

Vodka, coffee liqueur, white chocolate and her own source of ‘milk’


Wine And Prosecco





Bottle £30 125ml | Glass £6


Perrier-Jouët Champagne

Bottle £55




St. John Rouge 2014   

375ml Carafe £10 | 750ml Carafe £20 | 175ml Glass £5 | 250ml Glass £6.50

Chateau de Lascaux, Languedoc, Cabernet Sauvignon & Syrah


Domaine Boudau Le Clos 2015    

750ml Bottle £25




St. John Blanc 2015   

375ml Carafe £10 | 750ml Carafe £20 | 175ml Glass £5 | 250ml Glass £6.50

Chateau De Lascaux, Languedoc, Sauvignon Blanc, Roussanne, Viognier


Domaine Gerard Metz Harmony 2015   

750ml Bottle £25




Mr. Twit’s Odious Ale


(Available From September 16th)

Made With Oak-Smoked Wheat Malt And Dust, Dirt And Microbes Swabbed From Roald Dahl’s Own Writing Chair: The man himself is immortalised in this drinkable delight.


40ft Lager 4.8%



40ft Päle 4.1%



Coffee & Teas


Filter Coffee £2 | English Breakfast Tea £2 | Earl Grey Tea £2 Twits’ Nettle Tea £2 | Peppermint Tea £2